A lovely lady from the homebirth yahoo group asked her husband to write a piece on his thoughts on their homebirth with their second baby. They have kindly let us share it... Here it as, a definite must read for any dubious dads out there...
*The 7 Secrets of Being A Home Birth Dad *
All Dads to be are nervous or at least skeptical when their wife/partner first mentions the idea of having a home birth. This is nothing to be ashamed of – us guys are conditioned by a lifetimes constant bombardment that Doctors know best and that it is our patriarch's duty to always make the safest choices. That's why when my wife Bel first brought up the idea for the birth of our second Daughter my first train of thought was about risk. Images of John Hurt's chest cracking open and a tiny, evil alien being screeching it's bloody arrival to the universe ran through my mind. I looked up at the walls of our apartment and wondered whether an arterial spray of blood could ever be washed out of that particular shade of off white.
Ten minutes googling dissolved my misconception that home birth is reckless (with Bel peering over my shoulder and directing me to websites she'd already read). In a nutshell, there are studies for and against, but if you listen to your own common sense you will probably agree it's just as safe, if not safer. You can find all that stuff for yourself, what I want to really want to talk about is the second train of though that ran through my head – why?
Why have a home birth? My wife had her reasons and she laid them out for me. Bel had a horrible experience in hospital with our first daughter and that was a big part of it. As Bel explained it to me I nodded and said 'umm'a lot and was happy to go along with it because I knew it was what she wanted. But I never had reasons of my own – from my selfish perspective as a Dad – until after I had experienced it for myself. These reasons are the 7 secrets I want to share with you Dads now so that you can appreciate your home birth the first time round"
*1.In a home birth you are no longer relegated to the bench.*
Before the birth itself there is more to think about in a planning and logistics sort of way, ranging from buying equipment to manly jobs like making sure the birth pool hose actually attaches to your taps. On game day you are not just a big hairy thing whose only use is to be squeezed viciously or swore at. You are in charge of the birth pool, maybe even catching the baby (I'm doing that next time). And, aside from the mother, who will be a little preoccupied, you are the only person in the building
who knows where all the towels are. If you have ever read *The Hitchhikers Guide*, you'll know how vital that is.
*2. You'll lose less hair and gain less wrinkles.*
Having a baby is always frightening on some level, if you're not scared out your wits you must be medicated or dead inside. With a home birth though there are less things that stress you out and feed the ugly fear monster within. Think of it: No traffic. No worry of getting lost. No worry of the car not starting. No worry that you've forgotten something. No worry about what's happening. No corridors to pace. No smug doctors. You'll still be worried, but it won't consume you. Besides – in a home birth, you have too many jobs to do to have time to let your fear monster run free.
*3. Home is where the heart is – not to mention cds, dvds, the
playstation...*
All your comforts. Your music, your TV, your favourite mug, your fridge, your magazines, your books even your beer I guess. You'll be more relaxed, the mum will be more relaxed and the baby will be more relaxed too when he/she pops out. I'll be honest, despite the stimulus of worry and excitement, births are pretty boring. Maybe I have a short attention span, but it's not, you know, entertainment. And we all know they can go on a bit. With a home birth you will be a thousand times less bored as you can take a break and read a magazine or flip on the idiot box for a bit. Hell, it's probably less boring for the midwifes.
*4. Say goodbye to the little things that kill *
Me? I hate hospitals for a million and one small and big reasons. Looking back now I can't believe I didn't jump for joy when Bel mentioned having a home birth simply because I wouldn't have to go to one. My main problem with hospitals is this - the idea of being surrounded by sick people sounds like a bad strategy if you want to stay healthy. Plus the small things: it smells bad, the foods nasty, it's demeaning to find your way by following coloured lines on the floor and specific to delivery rooms - when your newborn arrives he/she won't be woken up by someone else's screaming child.Hospitals suck, home rules!
*5. You don't have to live the delivery room cliché of the hapless and
scorned father*
You know the one - where the woman in labor hates her husband and screams blue murder into his face, punches him etc. Either that or she is so medicated and spaced out she doesn't even know what a father *is *let alone who you are. With a home birth her labor is undisturbed. She does not have to be picked up halfway through and rushed to the hospital. I cannot state enough how much a difference this makes.
*6. You are He-man of the home, you have the power! *
That's right. It's not the power of grayskull, it's the power of being the master of your environment. It's a subtle difference, but one you will notice. Your home is your place. You pay for it. The midwives and guests are the fish out of water. If they want something, tea, coffee, whatever, they ask you. There's a funny thing about evolution, it has created the subconscious trait that whoever gives out the food and drink is the dominant player in any situation. That's why in a home birth you will find it feels a lot more natural to ask more questions about what's going on, to make sure that the birth plan is stuck to and to generally be more involved and have
more say over the whole thing.
*7. You won't have your surprised, fragile heart ripped out.*
If you only remember one of these secrets, make sure it's this one. At the end of a home birth, *the midwifes leave. Not you.* This is the way it should be. In a hospital, you will be torn away from you newborn child and your exhausted wife at the very peak of your emotional vulnerability. Let me paint the picture of my experience of this real quick: two weeks before my eldest daughter was born my Dad had died, we were not financially safe and I didn't have a job. In short, it was tough. But being an alpha male, I wasn't showing it and being the rock solid guy I like to think I am. But the instant I saw my new daughters face I discovered a vein of happiness and a
depth of feeling that washed away my ego and my fears and even helped me come to terms with my Dad's recent death and made me, a mainly scientific sort of thinker, almost see a thread of symmetry within life. If that's all a bit too Lion King for you I apologize, my main point is this – at that moment the most unnatural thing in the world for me to do was leave my daughter, drive home and lay on my couch for eight hours and wait for the sun to rise. To make me do that was probably the cruelest thing that has ever been done to me. In retrospect I wish I had stayed and made them try and have me arrested for refusing to go. I have forever lost that first night with my first born.
These are my reasons why home birth was better for me. I've called them secrets, because the Dad's viewpoint is not talked about that much, even within the world of home birth programs and message groups etc. It's not all good you know – you will have to clean up afterwards. That's not anyone's idea of fun. But hey, that's a small price to pay in my opinion.
After experiencing both hospital and home birth my wife and I wouldn't even consider going to a hospital again unless there was a very compelling medical reason why we should do so. That's compelling, by *our standards* of reason and common sense. Not what any medical professional says. It's a no-brainer for us. As a Dad there is really no comparison to be made. You are a key part of a home birth. The mother needs you and is relying on you. In a way it's a shame when it's all over because you revert back to being a useless man again before the midwifes leftover tea goes cold.
Ven Batista
Bump to Motherhood
Showing posts with label Birth Story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Birth Story. Show all posts
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Saturday, September 8, 2007
My Personal Birth Experiences
As part of my training I had to write up my personal birth experiences so thought I'd share them both with you all. They are both very different births. A not so great one followed by a great one. Just wanted to show really that even if you have one bad experience it doesn't mean subsequent births will the the same.
I was asked to write a) my experience, b) positive and negative feelings for each and c) how I view them now....
ps they're long so get yourself a cuppa and get comfy!
a) Jacob, my eldest was born on 16th July 1999. At the time I was a nervous but fairly confident 17 year old, single, mum-to-be.
My mum was to be my birth partner and I also wanted his dad present as although we weren’t together anymore I thought it important for their bonding. My pregnancy was an emotional roller coaster due to my circumstance of his father and I splitting up. I was young and more worried about being on my own then actual childbirth.
The night I went into labour both my parents were in Wales at my sister’s graduation! I wasn’t too upset as my other sisters (I have 3) were about and both very supportive. It was early hours when I first went to hospital, a little confused about contractions but definitely in labour (well I thought so) I was examined when I arrived and was 3cms at 3am. Because I didn’t dilate anymore by 9am they sent me home again. I went home and went to bed!! I then slept for hours and by about 3.30pm I decided I couldn’t sleep through the contractions anymore and was in quite a lot of pain. We went back off to hospital arriving around 4.30pm. They did comment how they were expecting me back at lunchtime and examined me right away. I was 9cms dilated. They broke my waters and told me an hours pushing and I’d meet my baby.
They gave me some Gas and Air and I remember feeling very floaty when I went to tell my sister and his dad how far laboured I was. The rest of the labour is quite hazey. I don’t think I let go of the G&A once and remember feeling very tired. My mum finally arrived and took over from my sister (they drove home as soon as they could from the graduation) I think I was pushing for about 2 hours and still no sign of baby. Oh I do remember them saying he was back to back and someone turning his head. I had my eyes shut through exhaustion at this point. Baby had started to get distressed and they put me on oxygen. Again it is very hazey, I was tired, my eyes were shut and this baby wasn’t coming!
Next thing I remember is someone mentioning cutting me and using forceps. I was too tired to protest and no-one even asked they just got on with it and I remember opening my eyes and seeing what felt like hundreds of doctors at the end of the bed… my legs, up and open in stirrups and lots of rushing about. I closed my eyes again and felt the most scared I had through my whole labour.
On opening my eyes again I asked my mum where Craig (the dad) was, it was apparently too much for him as they cut me, he fainted onto a chair! Moments later Jake was born. I really do have patchy memories of the first moments with Jacob, I can’t remember when I first held him, the next thing I remember is my mum bathing me and I couldn’t even sit up in a wheel chair through using every muscle in my body for 2.5 hours. I do remember coming back into the room all clean to Jake’s dad holding him in his arms with tears in his eyes. It was late now and everyone left and I was taken to the ward with my new baby, where I sat on my own feeling very lonely and wanting my mum more than ever.
When I finally got to go home, I really got time to bond with my baby. I would lay in my room (at my parents house) and just cuddle him whilst he slept. My family were really good and we agreed if my door was open they were welcome! I knew it would be too tmepting to keep comig for cuddles with a newborn in the house but I wanted time, time for me to get to know my baby properly. I did very well with breastfeeding to start with but only lasted a month. I was extremely self conscious and was made to feel awful and left mortified by some comments made by the father of my baby. Other than that I loved being a mum, I was so proud of my beautiful boy and proud of giving birth on just gas and air. I was very sore for a while but once that went I just got on with being a new mum and enjoyed every minute of it.
b) Negative feelings of the birth was feeling like I wasn’t there when it came to the staff. I felt very patronised for being young and no-one actually asked me what I wanted, how I was feeling and apart from actually giving birth it was as if I wasn’t there!
Positive feelings, I managed to give birth and without an epidural! I went in with an open mind to pain relief and was pleased to have done so well on gas and air.
c) How I view this birth now: Well writing that and recalling it in detail properly like I just have has just made me cry and feel very sad! Strange I know especially with how happy I am now with my family and my children but I just couldn’t help it. I remember the feeling of being on my own. This was something I wanted to change for my second birth 7 years later and everything I did I researched and read about so that I could experience a better and more personal birth.
Erin’s Birth
7 years on I am pregnant again, with the man I know I am spending the rest of my life with. I know he’ll be the model father as I have already seen him take Jake under his wing as his own. We planned the pregnancy and the entire thing is a whole new experience to me, an overwhelming experience of belonging and happiness.
My pregnancy did get tougher when I developed SPD and ended up hobbling around on crutches. Barely sleeping through pain but not doing it alone was an amazing feeling. Jacob was really involved all the way too. We made sure he felt included in everything. We found out the sex so that we could prepare him for the new arrival (didn’t want him thinking it was a boy as I had a “feeling” it was a girl) It was a girl! We told him what we wanted to call her and it was our family secret so although friends and family knew it was a girl, her name would be a surprise, except for the three of us. We even let him pick (out of our top 5) middle names, he was so chuffed!
I researched and read up as much as I could about pregnancy and birth. Someone mentioned homebirths to me and I just knew that’s what I wanted. An intimate birth with me and my man at home. He wasn’t too hot on the idea to start with but after talking it through with him he saw my reasons and went with it.
I had a false alarm on my due date, even called the mw out at 3am!! As soon as she arrived all “contractions” stopped. A couple of days later my mw looked at me with a look that gave me that sinking feeling. She said I’d got quite a lot bigger and thought it best I got checked out at the hospital, scanned and hopefully guess how big the baby would be. She even muttered the word induction! Well I blubbed as soon as she left! I really wanted a homebirth and this was shattering my plans. She tried to say not to worry but all I did was worry. James managed to calm me down and we tried to think positively.
That night James got up to open the bedroom window around 3/4am and I thought, ooh my tummy feels tense, then went back off to sleep. At about 5.45am I woke up to what felt like contractions. After my false alarm I thought I’d lay there for a bit and time them before even waking James. I had 3 contractions in 15 minutes so poked James in the arm and said “I think I’m in labour” He stirred a little and suggested I had a bath (he was clearly thinking of my false labour too!) I lay in the bath for a further 40 minutes.
As I got out, I felt surprisingly happy and well, but each contraction was starting to stop me in my tracks. I rang for the midwifes and after some confusion and my tens machine NOT working I just gave up and closed my eyes with each contraction, waiting eagerly for the midwife. I felt incredibley in tune with my own body I was happy pacing and chatting between cons and when I had a contraction I found myself half bent over, whilst stood beside the bed and my arms stretched out supporting myself on the bed, rocking and breathing very heavily through each one.
James did leave me at one point to drop Jacob at his brother’s house so he could take him to school. I was a bit worried to start with but then thought she wasn’t coming just yet and he had plenty of time.
I felt extremely relaxed and comfortable in my own home. I was downstairs by the time James was back and once the mw’s arrived. She examined me and I was 6cms. I was so pleased as I thought this was “it” and this just comfirmed it for me. Not only that I was much further than I expected to be, which empowered me with more confidence, so far I had managed to get to this point through listening to my own body and going with the flow and with no pain relief at all.
I was up and down quite a lot. It was very liberating being able to move around freely and as I pleased. I was encouraged to go to the toilet for a wee a couple of times but I’d get to the bottom of the stairs and have a contraction! I managed to get up them with a contraction stop half way! I was on the gas and air by this point but remembering the hazeyness of my birth with my son I was only using it for the height of each one. The student midwife was following me up the stairs with the cannister and I also insisted James did too. I didn’t want him to leave me at all!
As it appeared I was approaching the second stage of labour the midwife examined me again and I was 9cms. I instinctively positioned myself on my knees bent over James’s knees as he sat on the sofa, holding onto both his arms (very tightly!) I’ll never forget the intimacy of us telling each other how much we loved each other and him stroking my hair from my face. Not long after, I felt like I wanted to push…. I got to the point, you know the one where you think you can’t do it anymore and knew this was it. The 2nd midwife knelt down as I rocked back and fourth through another contraction she whispered into my ear. She gave me a little pep talk, explaining how I can do it, it was soon going to feel like it was burning like hell, while the head crowned but it’s ok I can do it etc. That made me realise, this REALLY is it, I’m finally going to meet my little girl. One of them told me her head kept appearing then going when I stopped. I actually wrote in my birth plan that I didn’t want a mirror (after being mortified when I was offered one at Jacob’s birth!) and I was now thinking…. I want to see!
I gripped onto James with every bit of strength I had and pushed. I felt the burn and pushed again. I could feel her coming but started to feel tired when all of a sudden my body just carried on pushing! I remember hearing the midwife saying to me to rest through the next contraction but I wasn’t I just kept going until her head was born.
The midwife did do a small manouver to help the shoulders out but then that was it, here she was, my little girl. She tried to pass her through my legs but they were a bit wobbley so I turned round and rested onto James’s legs while she handed me my baby. I just couldn’t believe it. Here she was, I did it, I had my baby at home!! James and I kissed each other and then stared at her while I delivered the placenta.
Once that was done they weighed her and dress her and I sat up on the sofa and put Erin to my breast for the first time. It was a 5 hour labour and an experience I will cherish as a very proud and happy memory.
After the midwives left and the gp had been to check Erin over, I bathed and settled into my own bed with James and our new baby. I just kept looking at her in disbelief. We had the curtains drawn as it was very sunny! In fact we all said she brought the sunshine with her as it had been raining for days before. She lay on my bed and in our arms and as we both gazed at her she just gazed right back at us. I couldn’t believe how wide eyed she was!
My sister picked my son up from school so we had enough time to settle and relax as Erin was born at 11.15am. When he came home to meet his new baby sister the elated look spread across his face was such a heartwarming moment. I have a picture and I don’t think I’ve ever seen his smile so big and eyes so intense!
James had 2 weeks off work and Jake was on half term the following day so we spent the whole time as a proper little family.
b) the only negative I have is to do with postnatal. I gave up bf very early this time round. I already felt very conscious of it after bad experience with my first and when I thought Erin was starving I gave in and gave her formula. I wasn’t even asked by my midwife why I’d given up or whether she could help. I feel a bit disappointed as I feel with more support I would have done so much better. I don’t regret it as I don’t believe in regrets but I am hoping to learn more through this course to enable me a better bf experience for baby number 3!!
Positive feelings… well I just want to tell everyone to have a homebirth! I couldn’t have wished for a better birth. I think next time I would want Jake at home but in another room so he could meet the baby sooner. Other than that it was a truly amazing experience. Listening to my body and doing what I felt was right and instinctively enabled me to birth the most natural and relaxing way possible. Loved it! People think I’m mad when I tell them that!
C) How I view it now: well the same as I did then, an incredible experience, that I am looking forward to doing again!
I was asked to write a) my experience, b) positive and negative feelings for each and c) how I view them now....
ps they're long so get yourself a cuppa and get comfy!
a) Jacob, my eldest was born on 16th July 1999. At the time I was a nervous but fairly confident 17 year old, single, mum-to-be.
My mum was to be my birth partner and I also wanted his dad present as although we weren’t together anymore I thought it important for their bonding. My pregnancy was an emotional roller coaster due to my circumstance of his father and I splitting up. I was young and more worried about being on my own then actual childbirth.
The night I went into labour both my parents were in Wales at my sister’s graduation! I wasn’t too upset as my other sisters (I have 3) were about and both very supportive. It was early hours when I first went to hospital, a little confused about contractions but definitely in labour (well I thought so) I was examined when I arrived and was 3cms at 3am. Because I didn’t dilate anymore by 9am they sent me home again. I went home and went to bed!! I then slept for hours and by about 3.30pm I decided I couldn’t sleep through the contractions anymore and was in quite a lot of pain. We went back off to hospital arriving around 4.30pm. They did comment how they were expecting me back at lunchtime and examined me right away. I was 9cms dilated. They broke my waters and told me an hours pushing and I’d meet my baby.
They gave me some Gas and Air and I remember feeling very floaty when I went to tell my sister and his dad how far laboured I was. The rest of the labour is quite hazey. I don’t think I let go of the G&A once and remember feeling very tired. My mum finally arrived and took over from my sister (they drove home as soon as they could from the graduation) I think I was pushing for about 2 hours and still no sign of baby. Oh I do remember them saying he was back to back and someone turning his head. I had my eyes shut through exhaustion at this point. Baby had started to get distressed and they put me on oxygen. Again it is very hazey, I was tired, my eyes were shut and this baby wasn’t coming!
Next thing I remember is someone mentioning cutting me and using forceps. I was too tired to protest and no-one even asked they just got on with it and I remember opening my eyes and seeing what felt like hundreds of doctors at the end of the bed… my legs, up and open in stirrups and lots of rushing about. I closed my eyes again and felt the most scared I had through my whole labour.
On opening my eyes again I asked my mum where Craig (the dad) was, it was apparently too much for him as they cut me, he fainted onto a chair! Moments later Jake was born. I really do have patchy memories of the first moments with Jacob, I can’t remember when I first held him, the next thing I remember is my mum bathing me and I couldn’t even sit up in a wheel chair through using every muscle in my body for 2.5 hours. I do remember coming back into the room all clean to Jake’s dad holding him in his arms with tears in his eyes. It was late now and everyone left and I was taken to the ward with my new baby, where I sat on my own feeling very lonely and wanting my mum more than ever.
When I finally got to go home, I really got time to bond with my baby. I would lay in my room (at my parents house) and just cuddle him whilst he slept. My family were really good and we agreed if my door was open they were welcome! I knew it would be too tmepting to keep comig for cuddles with a newborn in the house but I wanted time, time for me to get to know my baby properly. I did very well with breastfeeding to start with but only lasted a month. I was extremely self conscious and was made to feel awful and left mortified by some comments made by the father of my baby. Other than that I loved being a mum, I was so proud of my beautiful boy and proud of giving birth on just gas and air. I was very sore for a while but once that went I just got on with being a new mum and enjoyed every minute of it.
b) Negative feelings of the birth was feeling like I wasn’t there when it came to the staff. I felt very patronised for being young and no-one actually asked me what I wanted, how I was feeling and apart from actually giving birth it was as if I wasn’t there!
Positive feelings, I managed to give birth and without an epidural! I went in with an open mind to pain relief and was pleased to have done so well on gas and air.
c) How I view this birth now: Well writing that and recalling it in detail properly like I just have has just made me cry and feel very sad! Strange I know especially with how happy I am now with my family and my children but I just couldn’t help it. I remember the feeling of being on my own. This was something I wanted to change for my second birth 7 years later and everything I did I researched and read about so that I could experience a better and more personal birth.
Erin’s Birth
7 years on I am pregnant again, with the man I know I am spending the rest of my life with. I know he’ll be the model father as I have already seen him take Jake under his wing as his own. We planned the pregnancy and the entire thing is a whole new experience to me, an overwhelming experience of belonging and happiness.
My pregnancy did get tougher when I developed SPD and ended up hobbling around on crutches. Barely sleeping through pain but not doing it alone was an amazing feeling. Jacob was really involved all the way too. We made sure he felt included in everything. We found out the sex so that we could prepare him for the new arrival (didn’t want him thinking it was a boy as I had a “feeling” it was a girl) It was a girl! We told him what we wanted to call her and it was our family secret so although friends and family knew it was a girl, her name would be a surprise, except for the three of us. We even let him pick (out of our top 5) middle names, he was so chuffed!
I researched and read up as much as I could about pregnancy and birth. Someone mentioned homebirths to me and I just knew that’s what I wanted. An intimate birth with me and my man at home. He wasn’t too hot on the idea to start with but after talking it through with him he saw my reasons and went with it.
I had a false alarm on my due date, even called the mw out at 3am!! As soon as she arrived all “contractions” stopped. A couple of days later my mw looked at me with a look that gave me that sinking feeling. She said I’d got quite a lot bigger and thought it best I got checked out at the hospital, scanned and hopefully guess how big the baby would be. She even muttered the word induction! Well I blubbed as soon as she left! I really wanted a homebirth and this was shattering my plans. She tried to say not to worry but all I did was worry. James managed to calm me down and we tried to think positively.
That night James got up to open the bedroom window around 3/4am and I thought, ooh my tummy feels tense, then went back off to sleep. At about 5.45am I woke up to what felt like contractions. After my false alarm I thought I’d lay there for a bit and time them before even waking James. I had 3 contractions in 15 minutes so poked James in the arm and said “I think I’m in labour” He stirred a little and suggested I had a bath (he was clearly thinking of my false labour too!) I lay in the bath for a further 40 minutes.
As I got out, I felt surprisingly happy and well, but each contraction was starting to stop me in my tracks. I rang for the midwifes and after some confusion and my tens machine NOT working I just gave up and closed my eyes with each contraction, waiting eagerly for the midwife. I felt incredibley in tune with my own body I was happy pacing and chatting between cons and when I had a contraction I found myself half bent over, whilst stood beside the bed and my arms stretched out supporting myself on the bed, rocking and breathing very heavily through each one.
James did leave me at one point to drop Jacob at his brother’s house so he could take him to school. I was a bit worried to start with but then thought she wasn’t coming just yet and he had plenty of time.
I felt extremely relaxed and comfortable in my own home. I was downstairs by the time James was back and once the mw’s arrived. She examined me and I was 6cms. I was so pleased as I thought this was “it” and this just comfirmed it for me. Not only that I was much further than I expected to be, which empowered me with more confidence, so far I had managed to get to this point through listening to my own body and going with the flow and with no pain relief at all.
I was up and down quite a lot. It was very liberating being able to move around freely and as I pleased. I was encouraged to go to the toilet for a wee a couple of times but I’d get to the bottom of the stairs and have a contraction! I managed to get up them with a contraction stop half way! I was on the gas and air by this point but remembering the hazeyness of my birth with my son I was only using it for the height of each one. The student midwife was following me up the stairs with the cannister and I also insisted James did too. I didn’t want him to leave me at all!
As it appeared I was approaching the second stage of labour the midwife examined me again and I was 9cms. I instinctively positioned myself on my knees bent over James’s knees as he sat on the sofa, holding onto both his arms (very tightly!) I’ll never forget the intimacy of us telling each other how much we loved each other and him stroking my hair from my face. Not long after, I felt like I wanted to push…. I got to the point, you know the one where you think you can’t do it anymore and knew this was it. The 2nd midwife knelt down as I rocked back and fourth through another contraction she whispered into my ear. She gave me a little pep talk, explaining how I can do it, it was soon going to feel like it was burning like hell, while the head crowned but it’s ok I can do it etc. That made me realise, this REALLY is it, I’m finally going to meet my little girl. One of them told me her head kept appearing then going when I stopped. I actually wrote in my birth plan that I didn’t want a mirror (after being mortified when I was offered one at Jacob’s birth!) and I was now thinking…. I want to see!
I gripped onto James with every bit of strength I had and pushed. I felt the burn and pushed again. I could feel her coming but started to feel tired when all of a sudden my body just carried on pushing! I remember hearing the midwife saying to me to rest through the next contraction but I wasn’t I just kept going until her head was born.
The midwife did do a small manouver to help the shoulders out but then that was it, here she was, my little girl. She tried to pass her through my legs but they were a bit wobbley so I turned round and rested onto James’s legs while she handed me my baby. I just couldn’t believe it. Here she was, I did it, I had my baby at home!! James and I kissed each other and then stared at her while I delivered the placenta.
Once that was done they weighed her and dress her and I sat up on the sofa and put Erin to my breast for the first time. It was a 5 hour labour and an experience I will cherish as a very proud and happy memory.
After the midwives left and the gp had been to check Erin over, I bathed and settled into my own bed with James and our new baby. I just kept looking at her in disbelief. We had the curtains drawn as it was very sunny! In fact we all said she brought the sunshine with her as it had been raining for days before. She lay on my bed and in our arms and as we both gazed at her she just gazed right back at us. I couldn’t believe how wide eyed she was!
My sister picked my son up from school so we had enough time to settle and relax as Erin was born at 11.15am. When he came home to meet his new baby sister the elated look spread across his face was such a heartwarming moment. I have a picture and I don’t think I’ve ever seen his smile so big and eyes so intense!
James had 2 weeks off work and Jake was on half term the following day so we spent the whole time as a proper little family.
b) the only negative I have is to do with postnatal. I gave up bf very early this time round. I already felt very conscious of it after bad experience with my first and when I thought Erin was starving I gave in and gave her formula. I wasn’t even asked by my midwife why I’d given up or whether she could help. I feel a bit disappointed as I feel with more support I would have done so much better. I don’t regret it as I don’t believe in regrets but I am hoping to learn more through this course to enable me a better bf experience for baby number 3!!
Positive feelings… well I just want to tell everyone to have a homebirth! I couldn’t have wished for a better birth. I think next time I would want Jake at home but in another room so he could meet the baby sooner. Other than that it was a truly amazing experience. Listening to my body and doing what I felt was right and instinctively enabled me to birth the most natural and relaxing way possible. Loved it! People think I’m mad when I tell them that!
C) How I view it now: well the same as I did then, an incredible experience, that I am looking forward to doing again!
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
A friend's Vaginal Twin Birth Story
I was booked for induction at 37 weeks. However at 36+4 weeks in the early hours of 17th April 2006, my waters broke! I woke up my husband and got myself sorted whilst waiting for his mum to arrived.
We had to go to Dundee to have them as they were twins and that was where special care was. My contractions were every 3 minutes, lasting a minute. This was 45 minutes after my waters had gone.
At first they weren't going to let me deliver them as special care was full. After a bit of a discussion it was decided that I would be allowed to have them in Dundee as it was too risky to move me.
Was 4cms dilated by myself and started entonox. Was given the dreaded epidural and managed a little sleep. Eventually it was time to start pushing. There were 2 midwives and a medical student at this point. I had a scan to check Jamie's position as he was breech. Not any more!! He'd turned head down. After a while of pushing and having problems feeling where to push due to the epidural, something clicked and Rachel Eve was born. The hormone drip was started to get the contractions started again. It took a while to get Jamie out as I couldn't feel where to push. It got a bit scary as I could hear his heartrate dropping. At this point there were now 12 people in the room. I was threatened with the ventouse if my next push didn't work. Something clicked and out flew Jamie Alexander, 38 minutes after his sister.
After all the worry neither of them needed to go to special care.
Had a lovely wash, tea and toast, cuddles and lots of phonecalls and photos.
We had to go to Dundee to have them as they were twins and that was where special care was. My contractions were every 3 minutes, lasting a minute. This was 45 minutes after my waters had gone.
At first they weren't going to let me deliver them as special care was full. After a bit of a discussion it was decided that I would be allowed to have them in Dundee as it was too risky to move me.
Was 4cms dilated by myself and started entonox. Was given the dreaded epidural and managed a little sleep. Eventually it was time to start pushing. There were 2 midwives and a medical student at this point. I had a scan to check Jamie's position as he was breech. Not any more!! He'd turned head down. After a while of pushing and having problems feeling where to push due to the epidural, something clicked and Rachel Eve was born. The hormone drip was started to get the contractions started again. It took a while to get Jamie out as I couldn't feel where to push. It got a bit scary as I could hear his heartrate dropping. At this point there were now 12 people in the room. I was threatened with the ventouse if my next push didn't work. Something clicked and out flew Jamie Alexander, 38 minutes after his sister.
After all the worry neither of them needed to go to special care.
Had a lovely wash, tea and toast, cuddles and lots of phonecalls and photos.
A friend's lovely Homebirth Story
"Ok so monday morning woke at 5 (had an hours sleep) and after reading for a bit i had a BH or so i thought. Was different to the ones i had been getting but thought it was the way i was lying.
Went down stairs and had some more. still convinced were BHs as timings were a little off.
By 7 ish i was having to ooh and aah my way through them and couldnt sit down with them so was getting up and practically mounting the computer chair.
I had the runs a few times that morning too but put that down to IBS! I was in such denial for some reason!
Woke tim at 8-30 to say i thought something may be happening but still convinced it would be BHs and would die away as it wasnt really pain just uncomfortable.
At 9 i rang Judith to say i may need her later but didnt need her right then as i thought it may be a false alarm. Sent tim to the chiropractors after he had emptied and cleaned the pool and i filled it while trying to hoover and tidy and get everything together.
Arron woke at about 10 and walked in on me having a contraction. Poor thing didnt know what to do or say. I knew then he wouldnt be able to deal with seeing me in labour so i made arrangements for him to go out for a bit.
That was the point i realised i couldnt talk through them but still didnt think they were painfull. Just before this i had gotten a little emotional and scared as i realised i was really in labour.
Still pottering around and quite happy and feeling pretty painfree really untill about 11-30 when something changed and i knew i had to ring Judith.
She got to us at 12 ish when i was in the shower (i was really conscious of how i smelt for some reason) I lost my plug on the floor as she walked in - nice!!
She did an internal at about 12-15 and i was fully expecting to be told i was 2cms and had ages to go. Before she checked she said my perineum was bulging and she discovered i was 5 cms and the cervix was very thin. She told me to take a couple of paracetamol and she left me to wander round and do what i wanted for a bit.
Within 10 minutes or so she must have noticed a change in me as she started pushing for me to get into the pool if i wanted to use it. I wanted to wait till i couldnt cope with the pain before i got in but she seemed to think that things were moving very quickly.
I think that once Judith arrived i allowed myself to let go if that makes sense.
Got in the pool and almost immediately i noticed a change. Contractions were still pretty spacey and not really regular but although i was fine between contractions, when i had one tim had to be there. He had tried putting the bedding in the dryer 4 times as i kept calling him back.
I was drinking loads of water but i kept lobbing the bottles away from me as soon as a contraction started if no one took it off me quick enough - there were bottles everywhere after i had had her lol
Within about 10 - 15 mins i was getting really awfull pushing urges but this was only half an hour or so after being told i was 5 cms so i was fighting them. Awfull feeling. I knew i was 'going' each time i had one of these and there was nothing i could do about it. But because i had had the runs that morning i got so paranoid and was fighting the pushing urge even more at first.
My waters went at about half one and was so painfull when they did as they stretched me just before they exploded. The noise of them going underwater scared the hell out of me - was like a small bomb.
By about 1-45 i couldnt be in the pool - i was uncomfortable and felt like my legs were going to cramp up so i got out and kneeled over tim as he sat on a chair.
Wasnt comfy like this either and kept saying i just wanted to lie down as i felt so tired. Judith kept trying to get me to squat and change positions but i wasnt being the most co-operative patient by this point! *blush
Eventually at around 2-30 i moved onto the settee and was lay on my left side facing the back of the settee. Now really was the time to push. I was told to hold my leg and pull it up as i was pushing.
The contractions were slowing down now they still werent massively painfull though, but the pushing urge was getting unbearable. The time between the contractions was fantastic - i lay there with my eyes closed and withdrew into myself preparing for the next one and feeling what my body was doing. Tim thought i was asleep but i was super aware of every little noise around me.
Eventually the head started to crown this was the most agony i have felt in my life. I could feel every little bit of her squeezing through from her ears to her nose and chin. I felt like i couldnt possibly stretch any further. Whilst i was pushing the head out i remember thinking if i ever do this again im going to hospital to demand all the drugs going. lol Of course things are different now and i would definately have a home birth if we were to have any more and would not want any drugs again.
Her head was born at 3-17 and i had a minute to compose myself before the body started to come. During this lull i could feel my body gently turning her and ever so slightly pushing her. Was an odd feeling.
Once i got the next contraction and started pushing the intense pain started again and i wasnt stopping pushing for anyone! I was getting her out NOW!!
She was born and passed through my legs onto my stomach and i was in awe of her immeadiately. She was so perfect and beautifull.
Unfortunately as my contractions were a little spacey a few minutes after the cord had stopped pulsing Judith decided that it would be better to give me the synto rather than wait and as everything had gone so well i agreed. The placenta came away within a couple of minutes.
So there you go. Sorry its so long but my memory of it is so clear and so unlike Arrons birth. It felt amazing to feel every part of my daughter being born. I have the most amazing pictures and video of the birth and everyone is going to hear about this till they are sick to the back teeth of it! lol
I am so proud of myself and my body and still cant quite beleive i did it."
Went down stairs and had some more. still convinced were BHs as timings were a little off.
By 7 ish i was having to ooh and aah my way through them and couldnt sit down with them so was getting up and practically mounting the computer chair.
I had the runs a few times that morning too but put that down to IBS! I was in such denial for some reason!
Woke tim at 8-30 to say i thought something may be happening but still convinced it would be BHs and would die away as it wasnt really pain just uncomfortable.
At 9 i rang Judith to say i may need her later but didnt need her right then as i thought it may be a false alarm. Sent tim to the chiropractors after he had emptied and cleaned the pool and i filled it while trying to hoover and tidy and get everything together.
Arron woke at about 10 and walked in on me having a contraction. Poor thing didnt know what to do or say. I knew then he wouldnt be able to deal with seeing me in labour so i made arrangements for him to go out for a bit.
That was the point i realised i couldnt talk through them but still didnt think they were painfull. Just before this i had gotten a little emotional and scared as i realised i was really in labour.
Still pottering around and quite happy and feeling pretty painfree really untill about 11-30 when something changed and i knew i had to ring Judith.
She got to us at 12 ish when i was in the shower (i was really conscious of how i smelt for some reason) I lost my plug on the floor as she walked in - nice!!
She did an internal at about 12-15 and i was fully expecting to be told i was 2cms and had ages to go. Before she checked she said my perineum was bulging and she discovered i was 5 cms and the cervix was very thin. She told me to take a couple of paracetamol and she left me to wander round and do what i wanted for a bit.
Within 10 minutes or so she must have noticed a change in me as she started pushing for me to get into the pool if i wanted to use it. I wanted to wait till i couldnt cope with the pain before i got in but she seemed to think that things were moving very quickly.
I think that once Judith arrived i allowed myself to let go if that makes sense.
Got in the pool and almost immediately i noticed a change. Contractions were still pretty spacey and not really regular but although i was fine between contractions, when i had one tim had to be there. He had tried putting the bedding in the dryer 4 times as i kept calling him back.
I was drinking loads of water but i kept lobbing the bottles away from me as soon as a contraction started if no one took it off me quick enough - there were bottles everywhere after i had had her lol
Within about 10 - 15 mins i was getting really awfull pushing urges but this was only half an hour or so after being told i was 5 cms so i was fighting them. Awfull feeling. I knew i was 'going' each time i had one of these and there was nothing i could do about it. But because i had had the runs that morning i got so paranoid and was fighting the pushing urge even more at first.
My waters went at about half one and was so painfull when they did as they stretched me just before they exploded. The noise of them going underwater scared the hell out of me - was like a small bomb.
By about 1-45 i couldnt be in the pool - i was uncomfortable and felt like my legs were going to cramp up so i got out and kneeled over tim as he sat on a chair.
Wasnt comfy like this either and kept saying i just wanted to lie down as i felt so tired. Judith kept trying to get me to squat and change positions but i wasnt being the most co-operative patient by this point! *blush
Eventually at around 2-30 i moved onto the settee and was lay on my left side facing the back of the settee. Now really was the time to push. I was told to hold my leg and pull it up as i was pushing.
The contractions were slowing down now they still werent massively painfull though, but the pushing urge was getting unbearable. The time between the contractions was fantastic - i lay there with my eyes closed and withdrew into myself preparing for the next one and feeling what my body was doing. Tim thought i was asleep but i was super aware of every little noise around me.
Eventually the head started to crown this was the most agony i have felt in my life. I could feel every little bit of her squeezing through from her ears to her nose and chin. I felt like i couldnt possibly stretch any further. Whilst i was pushing the head out i remember thinking if i ever do this again im going to hospital to demand all the drugs going. lol Of course things are different now and i would definately have a home birth if we were to have any more and would not want any drugs again.
Her head was born at 3-17 and i had a minute to compose myself before the body started to come. During this lull i could feel my body gently turning her and ever so slightly pushing her. Was an odd feeling.
Once i got the next contraction and started pushing the intense pain started again and i wasnt stopping pushing for anyone! I was getting her out NOW!!
She was born and passed through my legs onto my stomach and i was in awe of her immeadiately. She was so perfect and beautifull.
Unfortunately as my contractions were a little spacey a few minutes after the cord had stopped pulsing Judith decided that it would be better to give me the synto rather than wait and as everything had gone so well i agreed. The placenta came away within a couple of minutes.
So there you go. Sorry its so long but my memory of it is so clear and so unlike Arrons birth. It felt amazing to feel every part of my daughter being born. I have the most amazing pictures and video of the birth and everyone is going to hear about this till they are sick to the back teeth of it! lol
I am so proud of myself and my body and still cant quite beleive i did it."
Labels:
Birth Story,
Birthing Pool,
Homebirth,
Natural Birth,
Vaginal Birth
Monday, July 23, 2007
My Homebirth Montage
We only have a few photos from our homebirth, think we were caught up in the moment of it all... next time I will have a doula taking me pictures ;o)
I thought I'd put together this little montage to try and show how relaxed, comfortable and enjoyable my homebirth experience was.
I thought I'd put together this little montage to try and show how relaxed, comfortable and enjoyable my homebirth experience was.
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